I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
