I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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