i was rollin on her like bob the builder
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
