the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
