Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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