Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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