Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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