PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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