Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
