Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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