she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
