When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
