Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
