Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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