My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
