Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
