Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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