just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
