guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
