We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
