That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My balls are so social today.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
