Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
