I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
