I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
