How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
