i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My balls are so social today.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
