to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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