He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
