He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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