Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
