Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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