I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
