How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I intend to get homeless drunk
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
