I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
