just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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