I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
