whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
