Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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