I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
