Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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