WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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