a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
