i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
