remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
