Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
