wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Everclear isn't food dammit
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
