that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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