Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize