He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
