In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
