I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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