my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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