i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize