the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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