capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
