What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
