you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
they're like a gay fantastic four
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
