I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
