SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
