My Higher Power is John Stamos
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
